time flies...
in nearly 13 hrs of time i'll be heading for the camp..
like a disneyland i've always waiting to go for...
well of course it's not some sort of disneyland..
the camp's just a part of my top events list...
i've always been waiting for this..
every single year...
like "hell, why can't somebody build me the time machine??"
and now, here i go!!

i've submitted jobs in queensbay,
4 in total: borders, one vision , louis ..........., time planet...
i'll get one of these jobs for sure...
and guess what..? i did!
the manager of the time planet arrived when i was about to head home..
luckily i'm in time for the interview..
for an unexperienced full/part-timer like me..
the manager said i can only get a basis of 800 per month..
i was troubled whether to take the job..
i'm expecting calls from borders more...
from what i heard from friends they usually earn 1000 for at least...
so this job isn't feeling fair to me...
the manager told me to think about it then give her a call...
if i take the job i'll be starting on 28 dec...
i've no idea how the manager's gonna pay me, starting the work at the end of the month..
haiz i hope i can work at the borders...
because i feel comfortable there..
hanging with cool books with speaking english only, from what i've seen..
obviously the workers there speak english only...
BORDERS! DO PLEASE RESPOND TO MY SUBMITTION!!!

so, i'll not be available until the camp is over..
hope i will not suffer any gastric pain again... like EVERY YEAR...
and hope the god of wealth won't visit me until my camp is over...

disted's psychology tests were hopeless...
i thought these were the questionaires made by the students there..
turned out to be from the internet...
what a disappoinment...
and the speaker for business pathway talk left for taiwan..
we're only informed when we have got our seats waiting for him...
what the hell...

so here goes TARC..
cheapest college in the country i believe...
yes the fees are indeed cheaper...
as well as the people there...
well not all...
it's juz that the people in charge shown us some kind of attitude problem..
and they can't really tell us what we wanna know about the course...
but when they do, they're like not willing to tell us much...
just point us their guided books and show us the courses' requirements..
really couldn't stand their attitude..

okay next...
the point of this blog post..
"hmm.. high chance to get 50%.."
i smiled, couldn't stop it..
" so can i rush home and take my medal and certs now?"

yes, i got a fucking high chance to get my sports x-cellence scholarship at inti...
i wanted to take HSC of New South Wales at inti...
yes, it's a pre-u course..
if i get a 40% from that scholarship, i get to pay an approximately of 6xxx of a 11k course...
if i get 50%, also below 7000 of the course fee...
though its just a 50% scholarship offer, still, its not a bad offer after all...
50% leh....
that's half price!!!
my dad told me to look for scholarships before..
partial scholarship doesn't matter...
as long as there are scholarships for me..
i was so thrilled, fucking hell-o thrilled..
i thought i can skip form 6, i thought i can get my bachelor...
and be a psychologist/ architect faster...
and be one of the few psychologists in the country...
or even math as much as i wanted... contructing the plans..
and modelling houses..

"HSC also pre-u ma, form 6 also pre-u ma.. that means we have to pay more than taking form 6.."
haiz..
a lot happened because of this...
argueing, yelling, crying...
i was so rude to my parents..
in public areas...
yes...areaS...
2 places...
i didn't even mind people looking at my sored face..
BECAUSE I'M ME...
wahahaha...

in the end...
many dead bodies died under the glorious day for the champions...
one shall stand, other falls...
yes...
uncountable cells of my body died...
i waved my white flag..
"form 6 ma form 6 lo.." murmured..
so this is where i will go..
form 6...
i can get back to the private Us i wanted after finishing STPM...
you'll see... and just sit and watch..
i'll reach it...
i'll fight for my 'GLORY'..
it'll be my glorious day next time..
but no other next after me...
haha...

anyway...
found out UKM's providing the psychology course i wanted..
as a big dreamer...
i dreamt of going to NUS too...
sounds ridiculous but i'll try to fight for it..
better than UKM and somewhat of HELP...

went for disted's psychology career talk last night.. well i was held up by those sucky traffic jams from bukit dumbar down to Union..
so fucking P.I.S.S.E.D...
its wasn't ur fault baby..
v didn't miss anything much..

the talk was OKAY..
it's actually motivating me 2 choose psychology as my path..
but i was too darn tired 2 open my eyes..
so i asked about the fees..
i have no idea what my dad is thinking about it and how he's gonna bear it if so..
too much to think about..
'Are you sure you like psychology? you sure you wanna study psychology? i thought you said your sciences are poor,you always change your ambitions..'
this was what i get from my dad last night..
what to do?

still, i tried to think very hard..
knowing that my sciences are INDEED very bad, i can't just go for architecture,can i..?
if the career talk is true based to the current situation in the world now,
as a summary, i can say psychology can takeover the world,basically..
you see, even KFC used red colour as colour psychology to attract people to eat there..
and companies that needed psychologists to control and change the culture to improve their performances..
even psychologists can predict the stock market,as analysers..or even journalists..
every field is filled with psychology graduates, we never know until the vice president of the HELP university college told us..
well i hope what he told us isn't brain-washing,but the truth we wanted to know..
i don't even know why i'm kinda interested in psychology...
i have no other path to choose more..
unless i choose architecture,which is very common to most people..
after seeing the requirements for architecture in TARC, the requirements are just too darn low..
i may even close my eyes to fulfill the requirements..
plus, it's starting with a certificate level, certificate in architecture..
unless i go for diploma in building, which they're almost the same..

so, where should i go? which should i choose?
PSYCHOLOGY,of course..
and i remember, for the sake of studying psychology, i BEGGED the principal to have me tranferred to pure science stream, i was in account-science stream before..
but now, what the hell am i doing?
still thinking about my studies in future(or next year)..
i shouldn't be thinking about this now..
i should BE SURE to study psychology already!!
what the hell am i kidding to myself..
starting to feel lost, ever since my dad told me these words..
i've no idea what i actually wanted..
the main point of my problem is, my SCIENCES..
especially my chemistry, the basic,compulsory subject to the world of science...
if i can't master my chemistry well, why science field?
yes psychology is actually branched in both streams, science and art..
science for specific human-thinking understanding.. art for councelling and motivation OR stress management..
it's impossible for me to choose art psychology..
i can't communicate well...
some hope for science psychology, if my chemistry gets a credit in SPM...
credit in chemistry SPM just sounded too impossible..
honestly, i NEVER pass my chemistry before,, never in my life as my history subject..
so?
just forget about studying psychology..?
and forget how hard i was to beg the principal to get me transferred to pure science class?
plus how hard i worked for to get an average position in results placing among my classmates..?
i was transferred from 5th class to 3rd class of my form last year,sure i was so stressed, getting along with different gang of friends, and not being looked down..
and i guess i've done them both... with sweet memories for my sweet sixteen's life..
but now, i should just forget what i've done to study psychology..?
still, i'm confused..
i need my conscience, Lord Buddha...

it was the last day of spm...
memang pek chek nia...
y our scool wouldnt allow us 2 leave as soon as v're finished n v wanna leave..???
ppfffttt...
anyway...
gonna return those god damn text books after it...
anyway..
i'm juz happy tat spm's over..
i never tot tat i wil b so glad 2 finish spm as i expected...
i mean..
'duh... its juz chinese.. i'll never get an A 4 tat... i mean.. far too impossible~'
guess wat..
i was so so Fxxking thrilled after tat last paper..
I WANNA YELL 'I'VE FINISHED SPM' 2 DA WORLD!!!!
NO MORE SPM!!! NO MORE SPM!!!!
YES!! U GOT IT!!!
NO MORE SPM!!!

somehow i was thinking if my parents ever allow me 2 continue my studies in college..
if SPM's killing me enough, y not STPM??
duh...
well i discussed wif my mum...
without my dad...
everytime i ask mum abt the possibility 2 enter college...
its always the same answer!!!
the same fucking answer!!!
i rather return all the clothes u bought 4 me...
coz u said v're juz look better on the outside..
u're a shopaholic!!!
v're in tis situation bcoz of this BOROS parents!!!
cant u guys b more frutal????!!!!!
if i hav no choice but stpm
i rather choose NOT 2 STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!
rather 2 become an apprentice!!!!
wanna loan oso cant
juz bcoz of u 'LOOK BETTER ON THE OUTSIDE' parents!!!

1st...
i wanna express myself...
but i dunno how...
so...
i'm going 2 use a pic 2 express myself...
well, juz a random pic...
haha...
duh...
SPM's over...
well...
not officially...
2 papers left...
1 subject 2 go!!
i don reli care abt chinese..
coz i knew my chinese grade already...

went 4 a haircut yesterday....
yep..
my tears r nearly out coz the hair stylist was going 2 cut me a doll-like hair...
which happens 2 EVERY hair stylists (if not mistaken)
well i told her i don wanna shorten my hair...
well she cut my hair a lot...
made me looks lik i'm going bac 2 scool...
OMG...

okok...
bac 2 the main point...
i was so hungry n tired at 1am...
so v went 4 supper...
i was snoozing on the couch until my bro showed me his funny video...
i LOL-ed tat time...
laughed until.......(dunno how 2 describe)



hahahaa funny,eh..?

another thing is...
yesterday was converse,everlast,n lee cooper's big sale...
i mean real BIG...
70% off leh...
so i urged my mum 2 go...
coz i knew the offers ther r limited...
i gotta grab the goods b4 its too late!!!!!
I KNEW I WONT B ABLE 2 GRAB THEM IF I DIN GO LAST NITE!!!!
I KNEW IT...!!!!
hahahaha...
another random pic...

v bought a total of 15 items...
including 1 pair of everlast sports shoes 4 my bro, lee cooper sneakers 4 my dad n a converse bagpack...
guess how much v spent on those 15 items..??
RM5xx.oo
hahaha...
so fucking happy!!!!!

不知为何想起那生日卡。。

把它挖了出来看一看。。。
回忆一下。。。
记得里面要我许下愿。。
写在里面。。。
要不我会想起那张卡。。。
我都几乎忘了自己许了什么愿。。

＂我希望自己活得更精彩！＂

活得更精彩。。？
这几个月来。。
我有去追随它吗。。？
现在，我活得精彩吗。。？

无可否认，只要自己懂得去珍惜每一分，每一秒。。
生活的确是过得很精彩。。

我，竟然忘了。。

blogging using his omnia...
tml's 5th formers' GRAND DAY...
n i'm having a bad fever at tis time being...
wat the hell...
thx the doc 4giving such strong medicine...
but i blur until i ate my nite pills n morning pills together..
haha...
at borders' starbuck ther 4 last min study...
ended up facebooking n blogging now...
so useless leh...
so here i wish every spm takers all da best la ha..
n jovial ar...
i think u dom wan ur tt file bac liao la...
its abt a month staying at my house d...
ok i'm done here...
gotta study now...

SPM'S TIS COMING WED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WISH MYSELF N OTHERS ALL DA BEST!!!!!!!!!
SO HARD 2 FOCUS ON SPM NOW...
MY MIND'S THINKING OF ALL THE FUN I CAN ENJOY AFTER TIS!!!!!!!

"V'RE GRADUATED!!!!!!!!!"
cried tat day...
slipped my dad's camera....
choon yin cried too..
it wasn't her fault at all... reli...
accidents happen anytime ma...
i blame myself 4 bringing it 2 scool...
my heart lik totally disappeared for a while when the camera hit against the floor...
shouts.. i heard too...
got scolded of coz...
but ther's ntg i can do ma...
i don1 my frens 2 feel guilty abt it...
its our graduation day..
v all should b happy..
ther's ntg more important than tat day...
camera can b bought bac but not our graduation...
trying cheer up choon yin too...
she teared the whole morning until when i reached my house...
thx my fatty 4 cheering her up...
u finally r a good use anyway...haha..
so v went 2 the queens..
choon yin's mood had gone better..
v had mc d's n then v spread up...
i gotta catch up a movie wif him...
so v watched jennifer's body...
kinda creepy though...
hmmm....
bac 2 the main part again...
my frens cried at the graduation when v sang our graduation's theme song...
feel sry tat i didn't spend much time wif them...
coz i always ponteng lo...
they teared 4 their frens...
but i din...
feel myself as cold-blooded..
haiz...
so here's our theme song..

hope u guys lik it...
believe or not..
i actually sang at the graduation...
so rare leh!!! haha...

so v went bac 2 scool after hanging out at queens...
for our graduation dinner...
i was underdressed... as always...
juz a t-shirt...
white trousers n shoes...
love my watch so so so much!!!! haha...

'graduation is coming' keeps on floating in my mind...
got no idea how i reli feel now...
happy n sad...
happy 2 finish scooling...
sad 2 leave my fellow frens..
especially my chung hwa buds...
i wondered how tyan felt when she was leaving 4 china..??
haiz..
all i kno was my chung hwa frens r doin fine..
very well without me lo...
as the saying goes'悄悄的我走了，正如我悄悄的来，我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。。'
hmm...

phor tay frens hav given me lots of sweet memories too..
they've shown me how strong their friendships r...
i'm impressed n admired by their friendships...
they juz hav 2 stick together lik soulmates!
they've made me laughed a lot too...
i reli laughed out my stomach...
sometimes i juz wished if phor tay frens r in chung hwa too...
the scool would b real fun n crazy 4 sure!!
i'm juz sry tat i wasn't reli get along wif them...
dunno y...
i'm juz not hilarious enough...
but i'm do glad n happy 2 b part of them...!
juz count me in..
i'll take pics wif u guys tis time...
tats a promise!!

woohoo...
the pool was SO SO cold!!!
i'm freezing!!!
trying 2 improve my breathing...
anyway i 4gt how 2 free style d...
haha..
somebody's old here...
my hands n legs r so tired...
wil die on my bed early!!!
anyway..
i'm skipping scool tml...AGAIN

spm's juz 17 days away...
dad...
stop telling me off 2 study..!!!
i need my breaks too...
i'm not lik my nerdy cousin, his study time is limitless...
i'm juz not lik him k..?
n i'm not lik u too...
i juz don hav tis working-freak personality...
'ling,y u din study n somemore u're facebooking..?'
stop telling me abt tis..
it ruins my mood 2 study u kno...
tis is the worst thing tat can change my mood easily...
i kno u're worried... ME TOO!!!
i've been softer n softer every min/sec spm's coming...
i teared very easily nowadays..
i kno i've been emotional..
juz bcoz of spm...
juz don ruin my mood k..?
i'm in a very bad situation now...
it keeps me thinking negatively..
i'm reli stressed abt spm...
if u keep on lik tis how m i gonna go on 2 form 6..?
i might drive myself crazy n commit suicide 1 day if u keep on lik tis...
tis is not a joke..

couldn get top 10 in class...
so...
no new hp liao...
haiz...
coz of my kelakuan lo...
dragged my position...
aiya i don reli care abt tis anyway...
blek...
i'm outta ther in no time!!

SPM is juz 25 days away... stil couldn catch up wif the syllabus...
i kno i must finish phy n bio ASAP...
which i understand these the LEAST...
oh god...
my results r a hectic 2 me now...
i kno i must fix tis...
MUST MUST MUST!!!!
i gotta skip scool...
hav 2 study...
unfortunately tat fucking scool's been watching those who r absent the most between after trials n b4 the graduation ceremony...
then graduation certs wil NOT b given...
@#$%^&* the 'upstairs' la...
waiting 4 the day v wil get our spm results...
then i'll write in everything...
as bad as i can...
then put them in our scool's suggestions box...
noti leh..?
dunno y i've been such a menace...
haha...

ok..
bac 2 spm...
last yr i aimed 2 get A1 in eng...
A1/2 in math & add math,moral,phy...
total 5As...
according 2 my last trial...
i think my eng can get A1 gua...8x nia... T-T..
math..? B3..
add math... dunno... 3x nia... wat a shit..
moral... HOPELESS...
dunno izit mr. soong's fault..?
or is tis fucking 'dark skin''s got some prob..??
phy..? NO NO NO...
i FAILED my phy twice d....
anyway...
i think i got the lowest in chinese among my classmates...
haiz...
wil i get only an A in my SPM...???
i'm worried...
my parents' been pressing me 2 study hard...
wan me 2 go form 6...
haiz...
plan 2 take my form 6 at malay scool...
if i hav tat luck 2 take form 6...
means i hav 2 get 5 credits...
i dunno if i can make it...

for now..
i juz hope spm over soon...
the 1st/2nd thing i wan 2 do after spm is....
attacking for the desktop...
n hang out!!!!
having a hard situation, worried+dreaming abt all the fun i can hav after spm...

according 2 THE SECRETS...
i wanna practice my LAW OF ATTRACTION...
AS BEST AS I CAN..
I WANNA ATTRACT MY ACES!!!!!!!!!

I FAILED MY MALAY
ther's ntg 4 me 2 say more...

went 2 a petshop as my frenchie is running out of dog foods....
as v were at the main door...
OMG!!!!
me n mum always yelled when v saw a BULLDOG!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
so geram!!!!!!
so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!

T-T
i failed 6 subs....(bio,che,phy,add math,moral,history..)
passed 3 subs...(eng, math, sivics...)
stil waiting 4 bm result...
haiz haiz haiz....

i reli hate my moral teacher so much...
"teoh ee ling... siapa teoh ee ling..??"
(so i walked 2 her..)
"u're teoh ee ling ar..??"
"ha.."
(she gave me a disgusted look)
"teoh ee ling ar...?"(stil wif a disgusted look)
(ignored her..)
"y u write until so few..??"
"my handwriting is smaller ma.."
(again wif tat look)
3x nia...
nearly 2x d...
haiz...
fucking hate tat teacher...
feels lik i always hav probs wif the 'darker skins'...

6.15am...
alarm turned off...
'hmm.... haven iron my uniform yet...'
'walau so tired..... y din i do last nite..?'
flashing bac...
'i was on the net.... until late nite... 2day got scool ar...'
'eh...? wat wil v b doing at scool 2day ar..?'
(after few mins...)
'OH 2DAY IS SAT HOR....................................................'
hahaha...

gone out 2 fetch my bro from tt at scool...
'y chung hwa sunday got activity de..?'
passed chung ling..
'yee... chung ling 2day oso got activity ar..?'
(4gt my bro tt at SATURDAYS...)

i failed my bio, che, phy, add math, sj...
bm, bc n moral stil dunno yet...
haiz...
wil i fail those 3 subs again...??????
i hate the moral teacher so much!!!!!!
@#$%^&*

i juz had my most terrifying nightmare ever....!!!!!
dunno how it happened la...
juz kno tat supermario n my cousin's old fren(v barely kno each other eh) appeared in the nightmare..
somehow i was in a robbery i guess...
tat cousin's fren( YWL) was the bad guy..
he shot some of the ppl ther(dunno wher izit n wat place la)
if not mistaken hor...
i was unconscious...
when i baru sedar hor...
tat ywl checked my pulse..
then when i opened my eyes...
only 2 c him standing wif his gun pointing at me...
then he pulled the trigger..
tat bullet shot my lower neck...
soon after mario n others including wei hun ran 2 me...
they looked terrified..
i tried 2 speak..
but i cant...
then i can feel the death from the bullet spreading 2 my whole neck...
then head n body...
n tats it...
i woke up wif my mouth open...
gasping 4 air...
i was hyper ventilating again...
aiyo...
i was stil terrified!!!
so i used my pillow 2 cover my face n yelled as loud as i can...
felt lik a patient wif mental prob nia...
i teared too of coz...
skipped scool tat day...
without mc again...
haiz...

anyway i got my results...
v v v v v suck lo...............
speechless...
i failed my phy again...
the 2nd time in my life...
T-T...

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